For Elaine

In this land of dangers going here and there
Trusting in the blessed Savior's love;
Tho’ we may be strangers, in this world of care,
Looking for a city built above.

We’re looking for a city, where we’ll never die,
There the sainted millions, never say good-bye,
There we’ll meet our Savior, and our loved ones too,
Come O Holy Spirit, all our hopes renew.

~Looking for a City

This precious, old hymn is a favorite of my husband's family.  It seems we sing it every time a loved one goes home to Jesus.  It's not new, it's not contemporary, but like my MawMaw use to say... if it's new, it's not the Truth, cause the Truth ain't new. 

This blog post is about Barbara, my mother in law's baby sister and her husband, Bill.  Barbara will always have a special place in my heart because she played the music at our outdoor wedding, and because she and Bill were truly lovely people.

When I was in my early 20's, we went to visit Aunt Barbara in the hospital.  She was in the final stages of her battle with cancer and barely 40 years old. To most people I am sure that they would say that cancer won the fight, but it did not win the war.

I remember going in to the hospital room and seeing her husband crouched over his Bible, he barely acknowledged us as we entered the room, he was in deep battle. He was reading scripture out loud, I will never forget his voice, the look of determination on his face or what he was reading ... "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  It bring tears to my eyes every time I think of that day. I had never seen that before, someone fighting a spiritual battle over a physical disease. I watched the two of them.....saints fighting an invisible, ferocious enemy, but they were not alone, and they both knew it, and they weren't afraid. Perhaps sad at the thought of being separated, but not afraid because they knew what awaited them, a city built above where we never say good-bye.

If I remember right, Bill eventually had to be hospitalized because he was a diabetic and had refused to eat,  but continually fasted and prayed.  His physical needs were not being met and his earthy body needed rest and food to continue, but he refused to stop. I wish I could adequately describe him to you, he was a big, mountain of a man, but with the face of a little boy who might even be up to a little mischief.  His countenance was kindness and grace and he always had a big, huge smile on his face. He was a gentle giant. At least, that's how I remember him. But on this day, he was a mighty warrior, a knight in shining armor boldly standing before the throne of Grace interceding for his lovely bride before our Holy and Merciful God. 

This was all new to me, I had certainly never seen that kind of suffering first hand, and I had never seen such faith.  These precious souls weren't weeping and wailing and blaming God.  They were worshiping a Risen Savior.  I was in total awe.  It's been more than 20 years since this happened and I still remember it like it was yesterday.  I sit here now with eyes closed vividly recalling that day.  I was in this hospital room watching this story of life and death unfold.  I remember feeling like I didn't belong there, what was happening around me was too intimate, too tender, too private, too holy, and I was not worthy to witness such grace. I was very new in my relationship with God, but I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that this was God fearing, Bible believing, mountain moving faith.  And I wanted some of it.  I was truly awe stuck at what I was seeing.  These dear ones were true Christians, the kind I hope to one day be.

Not long after that visit, God gently lead Barbara home.  Years later, Bill joined his beautiful bride in paradise.  The legacy of their love for their family and our God lives on through their children and grandchildren, and anyone that was fortunate enough to know them.  I am grateful to have known them, to call them family on earth and in heaven.  I am blessed to have married into such a precious Godly family, I only hope that some day, I measure up.

We're getting our own boy!

This little fella is Brandon, isn't he adorable?  He and Violet are buddies, just like their mommies have been most of their lives.  Well, we found out on Wednesday, Violet's 3rd birthday that Jill is having a boy!  A boy!  Our very own BOY!  In case you didn't hear me the first 3 times............... WE'RE GETTING A BOY!  27 years and 5 girls later.... we are getting a boy!

He will not be spoiled.  I can promise you that, after all, Violet isn't spoiled either.  If you believe that,  let me see what else I can sell you.

To say the least, we are excited.  But, I was excited already at the idea of having another grandbaby around.  Everyone said, I bet you want a boy, don't you?  But, I had already decided that surely one of my girls would eventually have a son, so I was prepared to just sit back and enjoy the ride.  And even if I have only grandgirls I will be happy all the days of my life!  I just want happy, healthy grandbabies, that live their lives for Jesus.  Truly, that's all I want in the world.  My prayer for our baby boy is the same prayer I have prayed for Violet since she was in the womb.  That he would be happy and healthy, that God would write His name upon his heart, that he would follow Jesus and be found pure and righteous and holy in His sight.  A tall order to be sure, but isn't that what we all really want?  To find favor with God and honor Him all the days of our lives.  Amen.

ps - Violet is going to be the best big sister Ev-ah!

He has called me by name, I am His

Isaiah 43:1-7

"But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:  "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;  and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,  whom I formed and made."

A few years ago a friend of mine came to me and told me that God spoke to them regarding me.  She said that God told her that this scripture was for me, she said that God had never done that to her before.  At the time I was confused, I mean... that's kinda weird. Right?  So, I said thank you and went on.  A few weeks later things began to happen, and I was scared, desperate, depressed and felt I was without hope.  Then my friend came to see me and the minute I saw her I remembered what she had said.  God had given her scripture and said it was for me.  For me!  Before the dawn of time God spoke these words with me in mind, He thought of me. Me, poor, pitiful, pathetic, sinner, me.  Me!  It is still more than I can fathom, me.   When I am facing a crisis, feeling lonely or depressed, I read Isaiah 43, and I am reminded that God thought of me and knew that one day I was going to need to know I wasn't alone, that I was created with purpose and value. And the beautiful part is, He meant it for you too.

Be encouraged my friends, you are not alone.

I love you still

I awoke from a dream this morning, I was dreaming of you.  I dreamed that you had abandoned me... again.  Old hurts sometime remain, under the surface, I guess.  I didn't even realize that today was your birthday.  I know that last year it came and went before I remembered it.  I miss you. I might have forgotten your birthday, but I have never forgotten you.

Your hatred for me as a child is well known by many but, I loved you still.  You were my mother.  You did not protect your children, and as our mother you should have.  You spent my childhood blaming me for your mistake.  Openly saying you wish you had prevented my birth and that you hated me.  I have tried desperately to forget how you berated and abused me and in the end disowned me. I have come to realize that I have not walked in your shoes, not cried your tears, nor felt your loneliness or your heartache for lost love.  I forgive you Momma, I love you still. 

Some of my friends, and now anyone that would read this will know, that I do not remember my life before the age of 12.  God is gracious like that.  I have no desire to uncover those memories, He has cast them aside as far as the East is from the West.  I know bits and pieces as told to me by my 5 siblings, and that is enough.  And a hand full that return from the few photos I have.  Years ago during a counseling session, my therapist told me that as my children reached certain ages, it could trigger memories of me at that age, and yes it did.  Mostly unpleasant, but some were wonderful.  You taught me to make a skirt when I was only 6 years old, it even had a zipper.  I can sew and I can sew well, and that is because of you.  I love my family desperately, and that too is because of you.  I gave my life to Jesus and brought my children up to know Him, and that in a strange way is your doing too.  I ached and cried out in my soul to be different from you and that led me straight to Him.

And then you disowned me, October, 2001.  Why?  I saw you many times in stores around town, you would look straight at me and then turn away, like I was nothing, no one.  It broke my heart.   I saw you several years later at Jeremy's wedding, you looked unwell.  Teresa encouraged me to speak to you, I did.  I  told you how I missed you, how much I loved you, how I wanted us to not be at odds against each other any more.  You made a scene at the wedding, you told me you didn't want to have anything to do with me, that you hated me.  Why?  I remember a few months before you died, I saw you in Walmart in the check-out lane.  I remember I stood behind a display rack about 20 feet away and just watched you, listened to your voice as you spoke with the cashier, and the little girl inside me cried out to her mother, I love you still.

In December, 2005,  I received a phone call that you were gone.  I was devastated, no more time to make amends, no more second chances.  No more I love yous.  But, the caller was mistaken and you were indeed alive, but only barely.  When I got to the hospital as ill as you were you remembered that you were mad at me.  It was difficult, heart breaking.  But, as a few moments ticked by you softened towards me.  You told me you loved me and I you.  You told me you had always loved me and were very proud of me. .... and then you were gone.  I had waited 42 years to hear those words and then you were gone.  No more second chances, no happy ending...just gone, but you loved me still!

I think you had known Him for sometime, your sister told me as we were preparing for your funeral how you came to know Him.  What happened?  Why did you turn your back on Him?  I have over time thought about it, and I have an idea in my mind.  I think you were angry, so angry that you blamed yourself and you blamed Him.  And because of that you would not accept His love for you, you couldn't forgive yourself for what you had done and you couldn't forgive others, but He loved you still.

I know that I have not always treated you with respect, and many times I got what I deserved from you.  I was a smart mouth kid, but my children and I did nothing to deserve being disowned by you for 5 long years.  You cheated my girls out of a grandmother, and now that I am one, that is unacceptable.  But, also now that I am one, I realize that you suffered a greater loss by not knowing them.  I am grieved by that, but.... they love you still.

There are many similarities between our relationship and the one we share with God.  We abuse Him, mistreat and ignore Him, but He loves us still and He is always ready to forgive and give us a second chance.  I was not always that forgiving towards you, but I came to understand that through His forgiveness, I too must forgive.  I am ever grateful that your last words were that you knew Him, believed in Him and would see us again, You loved Him still!

Don't for one second believe that it was easy for me to write this or to learn to forgive my mother.  It has only been by the grace of God that I am able to do both and it has taken a long time to do so.  And to never share this part of my life would be to never share how God used it for the better.  I have always loved my mother and I know now that she has always loved me and because of God's grace, inspite of ourselves, HE LOVES US STILL.

I miss you more than words can say & love you still,




Him:  Jesus, our Savior & Redeemer

OUTRAGED

This post is going to be controversial and unpleasant.  So, if you can't stomach it... click out now.  That means you... Jill.

I just read this article in the Texan.  Loophole Lets Virginia Woman Kill Baby, Go Free.

Apparently, a woman gave birth to her full term baby at home and wrapped it in bedding and suffocated it.  The woman's mother called 911.  When paramedics arrived the baby was still wrapped in bedding with the umbilical cord and placenta still attached.  According to Virginia Law this baby did not have a 'separate existence' from it's mother.  Thereby giving her the right to kill it by any means she chose.  "In the state of Virginia as long as the umbilical cord is attached and the placenta is still in the mother, if the baby comes out alive the mother can do whatever she wants to with that baby to kill it," Emerson told WSLS. "She could shoot the baby, stab the baby. As long as it's still attached to her in some form by umbilical cord or something, it's no crime in the state of Virginia."  ~ Campbell County Investigator, Tracy Emerson

Apparently, this is the second such case in the good state of Virginia.  The first mother actually shot her  stomach while she was heavy with child on her due date, there by killing her unborn baby.

Do we still not see that our abortion laws are out of control?  And what is wrong with the people in Virginia?  I have no idea if other states have similar laws, but God help the United States, because we are in trouble.  I can't help but wonder.... what happened to this state?  I mean was not Virginia the birthplace of our nation?  George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were both from Virginia.  I am pretty sure this is not what they had in mind for the future of their beloved state.

I know that normally this blog is about fluff and stuff, and I am not really a political person, but some things cannot be ignored. 

Created in His Image,





Learn more about what you can do to help change Abortion Laws - National Right to Life

"God is so big   He can cover the whole world with His love, and so small He can curl up inside your heart." 
~ June Masters Bacher

Rescue Orphans

I have a co-worker who along with his wife have been in the process of adopting two siblings from Haiti for almost 3 years now. He affectionately refers to them as the Haitian Sensation. Their children are in the last stages of adoption with hopes of being here by February. Of course that was before the earthquake. Their adoption home was near Port Au Prince. We can all imagine the great anxiety they are feeling right now. They have been told in the last day or so that their children will receive their VISAs on Sunday, and that they should be prepared to be in Florida to pick them up! Praise God! David told me that there are about 300 children that should qualify for the 'early release' even though their paper work is not ready.

Recently, I read this on David's blog. It is an excerpt from an essay called The Mega Issue written by the President of World Orphans, Paul Myhill. Paul writes:

Do you desire to assist the poor and crush poverty? – Rescue orphans.
Do you wish to combat HIV/AIDS and other heinous diseases? – Rescue orphans.
Do you hope to prevent pedophiles from abusing young children? – Rescue orphans.
Do you want to stamp out prostitution? – Rescue orphans.
Do you yearn for the end of drug dealing and addiction? – Rescue orphans.
Do you crave to uphold the worth and significance of women? – Rescue orphans.
Do you long to stop violent extremism and the placement of children into radical schools? – Rescue orphans.
Do you dream to crush illiteracy? – Rescue orphans.
Do you aspire to eliminate child labor? – Rescue orphans.
Do you seek to eradicate the recruitment of child soldiers and atrocities they are forced to commit? – Rescue orphans.

Wow! That cuts to the chase, doesn't it? Who doesn't want to rescue an orphan after reading that?  And this month in the Southern Baptist Texan newspaper there are several articles regarding adoption and the New Testament Church."Adoption is not just about couples who want children—or who want more children," according to author Russell Moore. "Adoption is about an entire culture within our churches, a culture that sees adoption as part of our Great Commission mandate and as a sign of the gospel itself."

I also have a friend whose organization helps children in India.  This excerpt is from their website regarding the plight of children in India: "Out of the 1.2 billion people in India, approximately 200 million are children. Nearly 100 million of these children have little or no access to school. Most of these children are born into large families with illiterate, alcoholic and abusive parents. The children are left to fend for themselves. They end up working in small tea shops, hotels, sweat shops or beg on the streets." AIM

Perhaps we are not all called to adopt an orphan. But, there are other ways to be a part of their rescue. Pray, Give, Go.

Heartsick... but not without Hope,

To learn more about sponsoring a child in India click here.

Admiring God, even though it stinketh much

Once again here at work, we have been paid a visit by a skunk.  For some reason he likes to get under our building and spray.  It is not pleasant, and the smell lingers for days.  It makes it a little hard to concentrate on my work, especially when it seems to cling to my clothing. It is potent stuff.  I wonder why skunk spray lasts seemingly forever, but my perfume wears off in 4 hours. 

So it makes me wonder.... why did God make skunks?  I think perhaps for the same reason He created lightening bugs and platypus.  He has a sense of humor.  God is good .... and sometimes He is pretty darn funny too.

... You hold his nose!





Cartoon:  Little Critters

My friends, the Missionaries

I am very proud to say that I have some friends that are missionaries.  It's not anything that I did, it's what they did.  And since they are nice Christian folks, they let me be their friend.

One family, the Holmans, have 11 children and are now living in Bolivia. They are an incredible family.  They are serving the Lord with great joy and excitement. They are so adorable, and they make living in a 3rd world country look like Disney World.You can read more about the Holmans in Bolivia on Denise's blog.

And then there are a couple of other families one in Switzerland and another in an unknown country.  Unknown because it is not safe for them.  I have known both of these girls most of their lives.  Jeff and I taught their Sunday School class when they were in high school.  Now they are all grown up and serving as Missionaries in far away places. 

What prompted me to write this post?  The sweet family that is serving in a foreign land that I do not even know the name of and I cannot even list their names here because it is unsafe, well, they are missing home and Mexican food.  Yep, fajita seasoning, goldfish crackers, and hot cocoa.  I am packing and sending a care package. 

And as I get this little box of goodies together to send to a 3rd party who will send it on it's way.  I am so incredibly touched by my friends sacrifices.  How they have given up their homes, their friends and families, and their country to serve our God.  Words cannot express my gratitude and heartfelt admiration for them.  I am also thinking about Haiti and her people and the missionaries serving there. 

I pray that my dear friends will be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that his/her labor is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58     (emphasis & personalization, mine)

Do horses go to heaven?

I am not suppose to be typing. Strict orders about my shoulder, but I could not let this go without sharing it with you. So, shhhhh on the 'illegal typing'.

Tonight Jeff and I went to the visitation for my nephew, Michael at the funeral home. The place was packed with family and friends. It was a precious sight to see. As Jeff and I stood, saying our last goodbyes to Michael, a little girl about 7 or 8 came up to us. She didn't know me, but I recognized her right away. She was the spitting image of her mother, Lisa, who is Michael's older cousin on his mother's side. The little girl came and stood between us and Michael and then looked at Michael and looked closely at us and said, "are you friends of his?" I said, "I am his Aunt Julie, his daddy's sister." She said, "Oh." And then paused for a second, "Did you know that Michael's horse also died in the accident?" I said, yes. Then she said the sweetest thing I will probably ever hear. This little girl said something profound. She said, "I am so happy that Michael knew Jesus and asked Him into his heart so now he can live in heaven. I think he is probably riding his horse right now and he is happy."

I really can't add anything to that. God is good and loving and gracious and even this little girl can see that. Oh, that we could all have the trust and certainty of a little child.

Gone Too Soon...Why?

Last night, my nephew left this world and went to heaven. That sounds so crazy to say. It reminds me of that Kenny Chesney song, Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to go now.

I remember when Michael was born, we called him our little Spook because he was born the day before Halloween. Jill couldn't say Michael and she called him "Guy kul". I also remember how incredibly proud my brother was of his first born child. Michael was the cutest little boy, even won some kind of contest for being so darn cute.

Last night, the question on every one's lips whether voiced or not was, why? His mother even said to me, why? I know that she didn't expect me to have the answer, it's just what people say when things like this happen. All I could think to say was, I don't know why God would ask this of you. But I know that because He has, He will give you the strength to get through it. It sounds so simple to say and I almost felt like I needed to apologize for giving her such a 'kindergarten type' of answer. But, that's all I know for sure. When tragedy strikes, sometimes only God in His infinite wisdom knows the 'why'. And I am reminded that God is not the author of our pain, He doesn't plan our hurt, but sometimes He allows it. Why? To bring us closer to Him. Plain and simple.

My pastor has this saying, when tragedy comes, it will do one of two things. It will either make you bitter, or it will make you better. Today, Michael is rejoicing with the angels. So our job is to celebrate his life, honor his memory and glorify his God. Because through Him our reunion is possible and guaranteed.

I would covet your prayers for Michael's parents, his brother, his wife and daughter and countless friends and family who are grieving his passing.
Michael Williams
October 30, 1984 - October 20, 2008

Do Horses Go to Heaven? more about Michael's passing.

My Job as the 'Church Lady'

What exactly do I do? I joke and say I am the 'Church Lady'. I am a child of the 70's and Saturday Night Live was big then, maybe bigger than it is now. It's pretty crude these days or maybe I am slightly more refined than I was in the 70's. I still think it can be pretty funny, so remember I said slightly more refined. Ok, I got off track. I do that from time to time. I skip around from one topic to the next without ever missing a beat. So pay attention and keep up. Perhaps I have ADD, but I don't think so. I think that's just the way creative people operate. Also, I think that I am the most least likely person you would ever find in a church. I was a heathen, born and bred until God got a hold of me and cleaned me up from the inside out. I joke and say it even took me two baptisms to get clean. Back to the subject at hand. I work at a church. I work at the same church that I rode the bus to on Sundays mornings as a little girl. As a young mother I brought my children here. Myself and all my girls were baptized at this church. My dad, mother and father-in-law were laid to rest here. I have a lot of history at this church. And for the past 6+ years, I have worked here. My job is to make things look... pretty or edgy or classic. Whatever the case may be. I manage the website, make graphics, logos, posters, etc. So you say why does your blog look so... generic? Because I have an extremely busy job. And remember I am typing with one hand most of the time these days. Still have that injured shoulder remember? My kids think I don't do anything at work. They always say your job is easy. I will have to admit that working at a church is so much harder than I ever thought possible. It is stressful and everything is personal. Why is that? I guess because everything has such a potential for significance. My job as menial as it is, still has the potential to help change lives. If only in a very small way. I am blessed to be able to serve my Savior daily and get paid to do it. I only wish I always deserved it. But that's the great thing about God, He gives us what we don't deserve instead of what we do deserve.

My Little Women

The most important role of my life is... Mother. I love my husband, but as a little girl I didn't dream of being a wife, I dreamt of being a mother. I guess it's because my own mother disliked me so. Oh, I know that she loved me in some way, but most of the time, she flat out hated me. So, I guess I always wanted a child of my own, one that I could completely adore and one that would know without a doubt that I am in love with her. I hope I have accomplished that. Somedays I feel like I have screwed too many things up. I have made stupid mistakes, said the wrong things, made foolish choices. People have often said that I sheltered and over-protected them too much. My life as a child was difficult, I knew about all kinds of horrible things first hand. I vowed my girls would not share that burden. So through it all, right or wrong...I have loved and adored my four babies, my girls, my little women.

Now that they are getting older, I have to step back and let them find their own way. Even when it means that they will get hurt. They have to make their own mistakes so they can be responsible, compassionate people on their own. I have to let them go. I have tried my best to teach my girls right from wrong. To be compassionate. To be loyal and kind. To know right from wrong. To treat all people equally and with respect. But to let them go and to watch them make mistakes is almost too much pain to bear. This is harder than childbirth, more painful than their first shots, more heartrenching than watching them get stiches in their heads (yes, all four have had stiches in their heads, competitive little things arent't they?). And more cruel than knowing that the bully at the playground called them names like 'red-head witch' and made them cry. This is suffering. I am suffering. My girl is suffering, God, please hear this mother's prayers. My girl needs You. The Bible tells us to 'train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it'. (Prov. 22:6) We have done our best to train and teach her, I believe in Your Word and I believe in You. God is not a man that He should lie. (Numb. 23:19) My hope is in You, Lord. My trust is in You.... always and forever. Amen.