July 25, 2008

My Little Women

The most important role of my life is... Mother. I love my husband, but as a little girl I didn't dream of being a wife, I dreamt of being a mother. I guess it's because my own mother disliked me so. Oh, I know that she loved me in some way, but most of the time, she flat out hated me. So, I guess I always wanted a child of my own, one that I could completely adore and one that would know without a doubt that I am in love with her. I hope I have accomplished that. Somedays I feel like I have screwed too many things up. I have made stupid mistakes, said the wrong things, made foolish choices. People have often said that I sheltered and over-protected them too much. My life as a child was difficult, I knew about all kinds of horrible things first hand. I vowed my girls would not share that burden. So through it all, right or wrong...I have loved and adored my four babies, my girls, my little women.

Now that they are getting older, I have to step back and let them find their own way. Even when it means that they will get hurt. They have to make their own mistakes so they can be responsible, compassionate people on their own. I have to let them go. I have tried my best to teach my girls right from wrong. To be compassionate. To be loyal and kind. To know right from wrong. To treat all people equally and with respect. But to let them go and to watch them make mistakes is almost too much pain to bear. This is harder than childbirth, more painful than their first shots, more heartrenching than watching them get stiches in their heads (yes, all four have had stiches in their heads, competitive little things arent't they?). And more cruel than knowing that the bully at the playground called them names like 'red-head witch' and made them cry. This is suffering. I am suffering. My girl is suffering, God, please hear this mother's prayers. My girl needs You. The Bible tells us to 'train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it'. (Prov. 22:6) We have done our best to train and teach her, I believe in Your Word and I believe in You. God is not a man that He should lie. (Numb. 23:19) My hope is in You, Lord. My trust is in You.... always and forever. Amen.

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