March 9, 2009

Therapy 101...........

I guess since Matt's dad died I have been a little melancholy and reflective in my moods recently. It got me to thinking about how much we miss Walter aka Peepaw. (Jeff's dad) He has been gone about 7.5 years now. This summer we have alot going on and oh how I wish he could be here to celebrate Jaley's high school graduation and Jill's wedding. He was always so much fun. He loved his kids and grandkids and wouldn't miss a big event for anything. It didn't matter how far he had to drive, he would be here. That got me to thinking about my own dad, who died when Jaley was only a year old. She really never knew him. He adored my girls too. Which makes me think about how Walter, my dad and Karl didn't choose to be away from their grandgirls. My mother did. I guess I am still angry at her. It is more that I am angry about what I missed with her. For the last 5 years of her life she ignored them and me. Then she died and Jordan didn't even get to see her. It breaks my heart. The other girls got to see her in the hospital one last time, tell her they loved her and she them. But then she was suddenly gone. My mother lived right here in this small town with us. Saw me at the grocery store and would turn away from me as if I were a stranger. She would tell people my children didn't exist. Because she was mad at me. She could have been the most adored grandmother on the planet. Mary Nell (Jeff's mom) is adored like that and she lives 8 hours away. When I think about Violet and what I want her to know about me........ I think about how I want her to know that I adore her. That I am her biggest fan. Even if I have 20 more grandgirls, I will adore them all and life will be good!

2 comments:

Jill said...

Ah! Nanny, she just didn't do the right thing a lot of the time. But now you know how precious life is and I know Vk loves spending time with you & Dad!

Julie said...

yeah, poor Nanny. She just didn't know how to let somebody love her.